Jeff Woodhead: the Bill Simmons of politics?

I had to post a link to Jeff's hilarious running diary of last night's Republican debate, which appears to have been as lacking in substance as, well, all other debates Republican or Democratic up to this point. Plus, along the way he gives veiled shout-outs to "Hot Shots Part Deux", The Slant (which has a horrible new website and I'm not sure is even publishing anymore), and yours truly.

Seriously, I'm beginning to reach the conclusion that we're presidentially hosed for the foreseeable future.

Song lyric of the day:
"And you're mistaken
It's you that's faking
Living and breathing and dying too
This message is for anyone who dares to hear a fool"
- Smashing Pumpkins, An Ode to No One

The football gods hate me

As far as I know, that is an indisputable fact. I have a pretty good case, I think, and it goes as follows: the Commodores, the Redskins, the Texans, the Cowboys.

Counterarguments are welcome, but not particularly anticipated.

Sigh.

Song lyric of the day:
"Born to be down
I think that I've said this before now
Born to be down
What good is confidence?"
- Local H, Bound for the Floor

Bonds indicted

Not that I didn't see it coming, but it was still shocking to go to CNN.com and see that the recently ordained all-time Major League Baseball home run leader Barry Bonds has been indicted on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice. I must admit I share the curiosity of Bonds' counsel as to what sort of new evidence has suddenly come to light.

But of course, I am primarily curious what impact this will have on the game of baseball, whose integrity seems to wear thinner with each passing year. My sincere hope is that we can enumerate exactly who is guilty of using illegal performance-enhancing substances, without any doubt, because then we can simply ban them from the game as we have done to Pete Rose, Shoeless Joe Jackson, and numerous other players whose offenses were less egregious or far-reaching. Sadly, I know that will likely never happen, but hey, a man can hope.

As far as the record books, they may be tainted beyond repair...

UPDATE: This op-ed piece pretty much sums up what I was getting at. Best line, and a point I hope the MLB folks finally figure out, is: "You can't get clean until you admit you're dirty."

Song lyric of the day:
"I always fall in these fights, I know why
Controlling the age, it takes a toll on my brain
Now, who do you think that is there?
I only call them when I know I don't see them"
- Interpol, Who Do You Think

Attention Hollywood

As soon as the supposed screenwriter's strike begins, I am offering up my services as a screenwriter. I have substantial experience (read: a horrible "Naked Gun"-inspired screenplay written with friends in middle school, and an utterly incoherent though frequently hilarious screenplay written in college I sometimes take credit for even though it was mostly Jeff and Ben) and, perhaps more importantly, I am willing to accept a moderate salary that is barely a percentage of movie budgets these days. Really, I can spew forth from my pen -- er, keyboard -- the same recycled drivel that has pervaded mainstream screens for the last several years. Just give me a chance.

Song lyric of the day:
"I wrote you, and told you
You were the biggest fish out here
You should have never gone to Hollywood
All you bitches put your hands and wave them like you just don't care"
- System of a Down, Lost in Hollywood

Sheer craziness

My extreme sports superstitions prevents me from directly mentioning a certain alma mater that may be in the hunt for bowl eligibility in the SEC this year, and indeed the outcome of the two of said alma mater's games that I have watched on television has led me to declare a moratorium, but I would be remiss if I did not link to this post from Chad that indicates just how utterly insane the SEC, and really all of Division IA college football, is this year. Also, in terms of craziness, that may be the most off-the-wall sentence I've ever written, and for me that's saying something.

The most amazing thing about the scenario Chad links to is it's not entirely outside the realm of possibility.

Song lyric of the day:
"I feel like a kite high in a tree
Is this where I'm suppose to be?
I wish I was a little boy
When love was taken care of
I know I will say, maybe today"
- Carbon Leaf, Maybe Today