Catharsis

I never did play any of my songs for my father. I'm sure he heard me when I was composing them upstairs, but I never sat down and just played them for him. I think he would have liked that. But at least I take some solace in the fact that he's probably listening all the time now.

In a post from last month, I mentioned a song I was working on called Catharsis. Dictionary.com defines "catharsis" as "a release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit." Well, overwhelming experiences have been 2005's mascot, culminating on November 19, when the song Catharsis officially became defunct.

But I am still waiting for my catharsis. So I figured what the hell, I'd finish it anyway. I debated changing the happy ending I had already worked out to reflect reality, and such an alternate ending does exist, but I've ultimately decided to release the song this way. I wrote it from a place of hope, and even if optimism isn't always rewarded, well, I'm not sure what I have left without it.

So without further ado...

"Catharsis"

I'm still waiting for my catharsis
'Cause I'm becoming so lethargic
And now I have to find a way
To make it through each day
And still come out sane on the other end

And I'm still wading through my confusion
Was all my happiness an illusion?
And is there a master plan?
'Cause if so, then where I am
Must make sense to someone

But I've shut myself down
I've been flying on autopilot
And now everyone's so far away

Well I want to feel again
But I know I won't
And I want to live my life
'Cause I know I don't
And I just want to be happy for once
But I know, I know I'll be half-dead
Until I peel myself out of this bed

Then March came roaring like a lion
I thought I'd purge myself through crying
But even though I saw her lame
The tears tried but never came
As I touched her for the last time

And that's the first time I saw you shaken
I wonder if you think you've been forsaken
'Cause although you can barely talk
Sometimes I still hear you call out to God
But it seems He ain't listening

So we have to shut ourselves down
And keep running on autopilot
I hate that I can't take your pain away
Like a thief in the night
It came along and stole all our smiles
And there's nothing left to do but pray

And I wanted to feel again
But I know I won't
And I want you to enjoy life
Right now you don't
And I want us to be happy again
But I know, I know we'll be half-dead
Until we get this curse out of your head

The months have been rolling by like snails
And everything we try is to no avail
So what they said was an easy cure
Is what you now have to endure
And I feel like I can't do anything

And no one knows 'cause I won't say it
I keep my fears all held in abeyance
But when we get this damn thing beat
I'll go out dancing in the street
And everyone will stare
And I'll realize I don't care

No I don't care
I know what's really important now

'Cause I just want to feel again
Someday I will
And I want you to live your life
You'll get your fill
And I know that we'll be happy again
'Cause I know, I know we're not half-dead
We're gonna get this curse out of your head
I know we will get this curse out of your head
I know we will...

But we're still waiting for our catharsis
'Cause you can't help but be lethargic
But I swear we'll find a way
To make it through each day
'Til we get this curse out of your head