Dead soldiers glad lives were not "wasted"; still disappointed to be dead
In a statement released Thursday, over 3000 dead American soldiers unanimously expressed dismay at statements by Senators John McCain and Barack Obama that their lives were "wasted" in the Iraq War.
"We resent the notion that our lives were 'wasted' in fighting to protect our great country," the statement read. "While we appreciate Senators McCain and Obama correcting these egregious errors, we formally ask that future political comments use more accurate terms such as 'sacrificed', as McCain suggests. For as we all know, when you change a single word, you change the reality. Consider: our Department of Defense used to be called the Department of War. We changed the name and poof! all of a sudden we devote our nation's military resources to defense instead of attack. But we digress."
The statement also addressed concerns that, regardless of whether the lives of the troops were "sacrificed", "wasted", or merely "lost", the soldiers are still, in fact, dead.
"There's no denying that we'd much rather be alive right now," the statement continued. "Then we too could be engaging in completely pointless debates about wording that completely ignore the larger picture that our country is, in fact, less safe now than it was in 2002."
The statement concluded with the following question: "By the way, how's it going in the country actually somewhat marginally responsible for the 9/11 attacks? What's it called again? Something-istan, right? It's been so long since we've heard about it, we can't even remember."
So it goes. Times 3000, and counting.
Song lyric of the day:
"Take a shower and shine your shoes
You've got no time to lose
You are young men, you must be living
Go now, you are forgiven"
- Dispatch, The General
"We resent the notion that our lives were 'wasted' in fighting to protect our great country," the statement read. "While we appreciate Senators McCain and Obama correcting these egregious errors, we formally ask that future political comments use more accurate terms such as 'sacrificed', as McCain suggests. For as we all know, when you change a single word, you change the reality. Consider: our Department of Defense used to be called the Department of War. We changed the name and poof! all of a sudden we devote our nation's military resources to defense instead of attack. But we digress."
The statement also addressed concerns that, regardless of whether the lives of the troops were "sacrificed", "wasted", or merely "lost", the soldiers are still, in fact, dead.
"There's no denying that we'd much rather be alive right now," the statement continued. "Then we too could be engaging in completely pointless debates about wording that completely ignore the larger picture that our country is, in fact, less safe now than it was in 2002."
The statement concluded with the following question: "By the way, how's it going in the country actually somewhat marginally responsible for the 9/11 attacks? What's it called again? Something-istan, right? It's been so long since we've heard about it, we can't even remember."
So it goes. Times 3000, and counting.
Song lyric of the day:
"Take a shower and shine your shoes
You've got no time to lose
You are young men, you must be living
Go now, you are forgiven"
- Dispatch, The General
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