In good company

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this late-breaking news.

Commentator #1: We have just received word from a Washington Post article that Amnesty International has released the final results of its death penatly challenge.

Commentator #2: Ooh, I can hardly wait.

Commentator #1: Yes, the race to put the most people to death in 2005 has been run, and the results are in. Coming in first, by a landslide, was China, who were responsible for 80 percent of the total.

Commentator #2: Amazing! That's gotta be a huge shock to the rest of the world. The People's Republic has been the model of human rights for years.

Commentator #1: You said it. The race this year was really for second, and Iran narrowly edged out Saudi Arabia 94 to 86 to take home the silver.

Commentator #2: Two more nations renowned for human rights, not to mention progressive thinking. Uncanny! I have to ask, who came in fourth?

Commentator #1: None other than the United States.

Commentator #2: The United States? Holy cow! Their citizens must be proud today to be in such lucrative company as China, Iran, and Saudi Arabia.

Commentator #1: Indeed they are. In fact, one citizen was so proud he decided to create two fictional sarcastic commentators to describe just how proud he is.

Commentator #2: But if he was so proud, why didn't he give us names?

Commentator #1: Well, I guess he's just lazy. And now, he's rambling.

Commentator #2: Yes he is. Hopefully he'll shut up before--

(Reader changes the channel.)

Song lyric of the day:
"Guilty as charged, but damn it, it ain't right
There is someone else controlling me
Who made you God to say
'I'll take your life from you'"
- Metallica, Ride the Lightning